Hello? How are you?

Greatest Hits / ELO










My initial college experience was not pleasant. Due to numerous circumstances I had fled my college dorm room to arrive on my father’s doorstep. My last memory of us living together I was in a crib, so we immediately set down some terms. I could come and go as I pleased, provided I did not wake him. No wild parties. I needed to have a job.


“No problem!” I replied cockily as only one with no clue could do.

The next morning, I found the career center on campus. Right next to its glass door announcing its service was a bulletin board listing local part time jobs. I scanned: Babysitter? No way. I had avoided it so far, it was my plan to continue. House cleaning. Been there, done that and had a mental list going of whose houses I didn’t want to eat in again. Who used cooking pots for floor washing? I still shudder at the thought. I scanned some more….


Telemarketing. I could use the telephone.

I scribbled down the number, making note of the company – a national travel service – and went about my day. Mid afternoon I returned “home” and told my father I was set and ready. He scoffed. I had merely one possibility? Telemarketing? He questioned and challenged. I argue, then ignored him and made the call.


The woman on the phone was quite charming. She told me the working hours would be 6 pm to 9 pm, a few week nights. Was that possible? Possible? It was perfect! She told me to come right down.


Having been born the day before yesterday, but not yesterday, I knew to quickly change into a dress to look presentable and followed the directions across town. Arriving at the building I was directed to a large room. There were no windows, but three walls lined with long metal folding tables, reminiscent of school rooms and church basements everywhere. At each table were three telephones neatly facing three chairs. The fourth wall held a long low bookcase, with an old wooden desk before it. My quest, a woman who at the time seemed to me to be fairly old, she was probably in her thirties, sat at a desk.


Not exactly sure what telemarketing was, aside from it clearly involved talking on the telephone, I didn’t know enough to be nervous. I approached the woman, who greeted me like an old friend. Pulling up a free chair from one of the empty surrounding ones, I sat with proper posture before her.


They did telemarketing, she explained. In sum, we were to call people and ask them to purchase the travel protection the company offered. Was I familiar with the service? Of course I was. Not only did it have name recognition, but thanks to my mother’s nervousness, I was a card carrying member! Despite the fact that I actually knew nothing about the services, the woman before me was delighted. Could I start the next night?


I had taken fifteen minutes. The interview was over and I had my first true part time job.


I arrived home an hour later, quite pleased with myself. I scoffed back at my father that his fears were silly. How easy to get work – I had merely walked in. He frowned, asking me a series of questions, among them, didn’t this woman ASK me ANYTHING? Yes, of course, had I heard of this company? Could I start the next night? My father and I stared at each other. He was dumbfounded.


The next night when I arrived, I was handed my script and instructions. If the voice on the other end of the line sounded male, follow path B. Elderly? Path C. Female, path A. Unsure, go with D. The supervisor, the same ‘older’ woman whom I’d spoken to the night before reached behind her to the bookcase, which I now recognized as containing more phone books then I’d ever seen in my life. She grabbed one randomly. Opened it randomly, and tore a page out. I was to skip businesses.


Two hours out of my four hour shift later, I left in tears to go home to some humble pie. As I was quitting, tearfully explaining I just ‘couldn’t do this’, I learned why I’d been hired to begin with …


“A shame,” my supervisor sighed, “you’ve got a great telephone voice.”


I must have, because I’ve always gotten telemarketing jobs instantly with no questions asked.